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I MISS YOU MOM ... 08/13/2009

I am praying so much that I am doing the right thing by posting on this blog to find some comfort. My mom passed away on the 5th of January. She was my best friend, I could tell her anything and she loved me unconditionally. I am so physically and emotionally wrecked right now, it is so raw and unbearable constantly. The word “raw” is so true when describing how we feel emotionally, and all sorts of feelings are coming to the surface, it really does hurt so much I was walking around aimlessly for what seemed like forever. I am so afraid to deal with this pain inside. I just want to stuff it down farther and farther, but to no avail. I can’t sleep, can’t eat, and all I know is that everywhere I look, everything I hear, I see my Mom. She was in so much pain, and I know that she’s resting peacefully now, but it all happened so fast.

Today marks day 210 that she has been gone, and it is still the up and down rollercoaster of emotions. Being a busy mom with 2 kids actually helps me to remember that what my Mom wanted the most in her life was to see us to take each day “One day at a time” and to appreciate the little thighs… hugs, the sunshine through the clouds, a sweet, “I LOVE YOU, MOMMY” when you least expect it, a good piece of chocolate.

Everything that goes on in my life I feel as if it would be fixed if my mom was still alive. I have no idea how to pull thru some days. I still cry over everything so I don’t know what the usual time is for these things to get better. Thank you mom for your kindness, it means so much to know that we are never alone. I often say that, but it helps so much when the days seem dark and dreary. It is just so unbearably hard to realize that we will never see you again.

Time to mourn and time to heal, There are no “rules” on processing this loss. The pain come and go like the waves of the ocean. Crazy thoughts, it is all grieving. Loving peaceful thoughts will replace that emptiness in time.

Hazel (manila , philippines)

Comments

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 00:32:41

waaaa nice blog hazel ..

namiss ko tuloy mom ko sa pinas . :(
thanks for posting! condolence ulit!

love you mom ko &
Miss you so much :(

regards,
al

joycekie

Mon, 28 Dec 2009 18:32:53

awwwchh! :( so sad ate hazel,condolence po.... :( d ko alam la ka na pla mom...wheh!i miss also my mom!22yrs na aq.simula nung grade 3 aq d ko na nakasama mama ko.nagabroad na xa nun 1yr.old bro.ko waaaaaa.....ako panganay ang hirap ng walang nanay.. :( our mother is our bestfrend...haysz...anyways,condolence ulit ate.mwuah!tibayan mo na lng loob mo.be strong!ako din kinakaya ko:D broken family na aq since grade 4 ako :D wala papa ko at mama ko they have there own families na.mama ko sa abroad papa ko lng pla my iba:D.hmp!tama na!iyakan moment pa toh!!!d ko dw bagay amf..haha!joke!i love my parents eventhough d ko sila nakakasama der still my parents :D condolence ate zel,mwuah!ingats and kip posting :)

_HaZeL_

Wed, 06 Jan 2010 18:40:34

joyce,

Thank you for responding to my "cry". I am sure that time will ease the pain.

For those who have lost their Mom's, I think there is part of us that will always be sad, always feel empty. There is no love like Mom's. It can't be replaced. Just hang onto the feeling, that's what I do sometimes. We will never feel as whole as we did when we had Mom to call, but we must rejoice in the love that our Moms gave to us and the gift of love that we can share with others.

I am still crying like a baby at least once a week, but I am able to face the world with a smile and feel so lucky that I had one of the greatest Moms ever.

I am reading a book called Feather Brushes of the Heart (I think). It is stories from women who have lost their Moms but still feel her spirit near them. Some stories are a little out there, but many of them are simple reminders that your mother lives within you now, in your heart, in your actions, and in your thoughts.

Stay happy.

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